Saturday 11 April 2009

Never felt so down

The easiest part about writing a poker blog is writing about the "good times", your own success and wins and making yourself out as some sort of superstar. I often read other players blogs and something i see a lot is long gaps between posts and they only seem to blog when things are going great, i guess at times you could say the same about this blog. But this post is well and truly not about the good times.

Iv been playing poker for a living for around 2 years now and iv never felt as bad and twisted about the game as im currently feeling. This is an emotional rollercoaster, and right now, im thinking what the fuck have i done?? Iv dedicated my life to a stupid fucking card game. Can i really put myself through this for the rest of my life? When things aren't working out, i immediatly doubt myself, and that feeling is very strong right now. Im rambling but i don't care, its feels like a weight off my shoulders to write my thoughts down.

Its built up over the last month or so and its getting hard to take now, iv never ever felt so close to quitting. Its 4am on Sunday, i just busted my last tournament going from 1/11 to busting in 8th.. , and i feel absolutely fucked, im completely drained and exhausted yet i know im not going to be able to sleep. Feels like poker just fucks with you sometimes and teases you only to bring you crashing back down to reality.

I don't know what ill be doing now, its the scoop ME later but im not exactly feeling great and i may take a break, from mtt at least... ill see how i feel when i wake up.


neverbluff67

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